TOI, Patna OCTOBER, 12,2008 Sunday
When threesomes work
You would be surprised how many couples around you
are either into or seriously considering open marriages.
Sreemoyee Piu kundu talks to some couples
who have accepted other people into their marital lives.
are either into or seriously considering open marriages.
Sreemoyee Piu kundu talks to some couples
who have accepted other people into their marital lives.
WE are the original childhood sweethearts and the quintessential ‘in love’ couple – a poster almost for a ‘perfectly happy’ marital union. Our marriage was filled with intimate moments, memorable holidays, professional success, and of course, the occasional door slamming. Three years ago, my husband returned from one of his overseas trips and confessed to having been physically intimate with one of his female colleagues. Initially, I was shattered. We talked for hours about why he was tempted to cross the line and I realized he wasn’t just sleeping around. He was tired of the monotony in our marriage. I too felt the lacuna. After prolonged discussions on the boundaries of our marriage, we invited Tara home one evening. She brought her husband along and the conversation veered towards our sexual needs. We were all dealing with limp marriages that had weathered many storms, but offered nothing new. The evening culminated in the bedroom, which is where we spent many passionate encounters thereafter, stroking each others’ deepest intimacies," confesses Supriya Sen, a 35-year old advertising professional.
Her marriage, Supriya claims, is a "mutually agreeable, open contract where the presence of a third party is considered unobtrusive, rather spicing up their marital ties."
But, she’s not the only one inhabiting a twilight zone. Shikha Gupta, a 42-year old layer, says she and her 45 years old partner Pralay have been in the throes of an ‘open marriage’. "Pralay’s business partner was spending the night at our home one weekend when he was out of town. He accidentally ended up watching a sex video which we’d recorded. Vikas told me later that he was mighty turned on and it gave him the confidence to take a chance with me," adds Shikha, whose year long romp continues with her spouse’s full consent. "He joins us sometimes and the threesome is wild. We indulge in role play and it’s steamier than you imagine. We often take holidays together and I can sense people react with surprise seeing three of us check into the same room. Someone asked me ‘Is he your brother in law?’ I smiled. I feel quite guilt free as my husband is fully aware of my sexual needs and having someone else fulfill them occasionally adds to the element of variety," comes her daring stand.
In a frenzied urban reality aggravated with high pressure professions, high speed lifestyle choices and a gnawing sense of loneliness – does injecting strangers into a space hitherto worshipped as sacred, augment the marital libido? "An open marriage is an alliance where couples don’t nurture any reservations about seeking sexual gratification outside their marriage. Here, the spouses share a transparent relationship," explains psychologist seema Hingorrany.
But, in a country burgeoned with a prevalent middle-class morality, is this an indication of rising moral erosion? A recent poll conducted on Times of India.com attempted to judge the moral overtone of an open marriage. While 43 percent of the readers claimed such marriages worked, 57 percent felt they broke down. Amol from Canada adds, "I’ve seen open liaisons work here in Canada for more than a decade. These marriages are officially recognized as ‘Common Law Partnerships’.’
"Where’s the question of morality when both partners are voluntarily experimenting? In fact, lots of couples discover new meaning in the presence of a third or fourth party," says psychologist Dr Sanjay Chugh. "My husband was impotent for the past five years and I constantly blamed my weight issues and sexual reservations for his lost libido. Then, a young painter Partho, who I met at an art gallery through a common friend, handed me a book – the 1972 best-seller Open Marriage: A New Life Style for Couples, authored by Nena and George O’Neill. It defines open marriages as a system designed to give partners space to grow as individuals first.
Partho introduced me to an orgy held in a farm house in Gurgaon. I accompanied him alone on the first night and it acted as an eye-opener. I revealed the facts to my husband, who I felt was suffering along. The next weekend we went along with Partho who by then was my clandestine lover. Today, Rakesh (my husband) has regained his sexual prowess, thanks to our weekend sexual experimentations," says a 43-year-old, mother of two, Sapna while adding, "My kids have started noticing we’re more intimate now and yes, when my morally stern friends chastise me for instigating my husband to philandering I know somewhere they are jealous of our revived sex life. Today, we have sex with each other four nights a week – isn’t that exciting after decades of longing?"
"My marriage ended after five years of us indulging in weekend orgies with like-minded couples, after responding to newspaper ads of ‘lonely adults’. It got bad when the sexual rewards sought their emotional quotient. We got drawn towards different people. What started out as an adventure catapulted into a wreckage involving children, alimony and public scandal," confesses Neeru Kapoor, a 36-year-old BPO manager.
Renowned sex expert Dr. Prakash Kothari adds, "Once I consulted a group of couples from Surat who played a game called ghatakanchuki. All the women put their blouses into a pot and the man removing it slept with them. Actually, the laws of divorce are only 5,000 years old. There was no marriage system in India earlier. Anyone could sleep with anybody they desired to. In traditional societies, adultery was and is the norm. Look at the Himalayan Garhwali tribe, the Garo and Khasi tribes of the North East or the Bastar tribes of Madhya Pradesh! Arousal is fine, but there’s always sexually transmitted diseases like AIDS or herpes to beware of."
Climbing out of their comfort closet, couples are rewriting marriage vows. Jeet, from Baroda, has the final say. "If the relationship is open, doesn’t affect prior responsibilities and is conducted with honesty, no hearts are shattered." But in the dark depths of the human mind is anyone listening?
Her marriage, Supriya claims, is a "mutually agreeable, open contract where the presence of a third party is considered unobtrusive, rather spicing up their marital ties."
But, she’s not the only one inhabiting a twilight zone. Shikha Gupta, a 42-year old layer, says she and her 45 years old partner Pralay have been in the throes of an ‘open marriage’. "Pralay’s business partner was spending the night at our home one weekend when he was out of town. He accidentally ended up watching a sex video which we’d recorded. Vikas told me later that he was mighty turned on and it gave him the confidence to take a chance with me," adds Shikha, whose year long romp continues with her spouse’s full consent. "He joins us sometimes and the threesome is wild. We indulge in role play and it’s steamier than you imagine. We often take holidays together and I can sense people react with surprise seeing three of us check into the same room. Someone asked me ‘Is he your brother in law?’ I smiled. I feel quite guilt free as my husband is fully aware of my sexual needs and having someone else fulfill them occasionally adds to the element of variety," comes her daring stand.
In a frenzied urban reality aggravated with high pressure professions, high speed lifestyle choices and a gnawing sense of loneliness – does injecting strangers into a space hitherto worshipped as sacred, augment the marital libido? "An open marriage is an alliance where couples don’t nurture any reservations about seeking sexual gratification outside their marriage. Here, the spouses share a transparent relationship," explains psychologist seema Hingorrany.
But, in a country burgeoned with a prevalent middle-class morality, is this an indication of rising moral erosion? A recent poll conducted on Times of India.com attempted to judge the moral overtone of an open marriage. While 43 percent of the readers claimed such marriages worked, 57 percent felt they broke down. Amol from Canada adds, "I’ve seen open liaisons work here in Canada for more than a decade. These marriages are officially recognized as ‘Common Law Partnerships’.’
"Where’s the question of morality when both partners are voluntarily experimenting? In fact, lots of couples discover new meaning in the presence of a third or fourth party," says psychologist Dr Sanjay Chugh. "My husband was impotent for the past five years and I constantly blamed my weight issues and sexual reservations for his lost libido. Then, a young painter Partho, who I met at an art gallery through a common friend, handed me a book – the 1972 best-seller Open Marriage: A New Life Style for Couples, authored by Nena and George O’Neill. It defines open marriages as a system designed to give partners space to grow as individuals first.
Partho introduced me to an orgy held in a farm house in Gurgaon. I accompanied him alone on the first night and it acted as an eye-opener. I revealed the facts to my husband, who I felt was suffering along. The next weekend we went along with Partho who by then was my clandestine lover. Today, Rakesh (my husband) has regained his sexual prowess, thanks to our weekend sexual experimentations," says a 43-year-old, mother of two, Sapna while adding, "My kids have started noticing we’re more intimate now and yes, when my morally stern friends chastise me for instigating my husband to philandering I know somewhere they are jealous of our revived sex life. Today, we have sex with each other four nights a week – isn’t that exciting after decades of longing?"
"My marriage ended after five years of us indulging in weekend orgies with like-minded couples, after responding to newspaper ads of ‘lonely adults’. It got bad when the sexual rewards sought their emotional quotient. We got drawn towards different people. What started out as an adventure catapulted into a wreckage involving children, alimony and public scandal," confesses Neeru Kapoor, a 36-year-old BPO manager.
Renowned sex expert Dr. Prakash Kothari adds, "Once I consulted a group of couples from Surat who played a game called ghatakanchuki. All the women put their blouses into a pot and the man removing it slept with them. Actually, the laws of divorce are only 5,000 years old. There was no marriage system in India earlier. Anyone could sleep with anybody they desired to. In traditional societies, adultery was and is the norm. Look at the Himalayan Garhwali tribe, the Garo and Khasi tribes of the North East or the Bastar tribes of Madhya Pradesh! Arousal is fine, but there’s always sexually transmitted diseases like AIDS or herpes to beware of."
Climbing out of their comfort closet, couples are rewriting marriage vows. Jeet, from Baroda, has the final say. "If the relationship is open, doesn’t affect prior responsibilities and is conducted with honesty, no hearts are shattered." But in the dark depths of the human mind is anyone listening?
No comments:
Post a Comment